Buddha was asked, “What have you gained from meditation?” He replied, “Nothing! However, let me tell you what I have lost: anger, anxiety, depression, insecurity, fear of old age, and death.”
Only on my third post and I’m already getting serious with y’all!
In light of recent events, there has been a lot of talk about depression and suicide. I try to ignore many of these articles, as I feel they don’t completely understand depression and it tends to make me angry. However, I was inspired by my friend and follow blogger’s recent post about the struggle in her own life and her battle with the misconceptions: The HM Rants.
I honestly do not feel I am able to explain to you everything I want to about the misconceptions of depression, but I watched a video a few months ago and it was done so perfectly! Andrew Solomon gives a brilliant explanation of depression in this Ted Talk and I really encourage you all to watch it before voicing an opinion on depression and mental illness.
Depression runs in my family and I have experienced it since I was about 11-years-old. I kind of feel like it came out of no where. One day, I was all sunshine and rainbows, and then I was lost into this storm of terrible agony and sorrow, for no reason at all. I did not invite depression into my life to get attention (which was the perspective of many of my close friends at the time). I cannot even count the number of relationships I have lost, or nearly lost, because they do not understand my experience. My friends could never wrap their heads around my behavior. My depression really comes in waves and typically, I am braced for it and can combat the depression before it gets bad. Other times, I have allowed it to get completely out of control. My friends stopped inviting me out because I couldn’t help but have a miserable time. It could get to the point where I wouldn’t even get off the couch to eat because the effort that would take would be too exhausting to even think about.
It is not because I hate my life or desire more than I have. I actually love my life. I love my house, my husband, my dogs, my family, etc. However, two months after getting married, I experienced depression again. I couldn’t get myself onto the mat, cried for hours at night and could not figure out why, had a hard time getting out of bed every day, had no sexual desire at all. My husband thought I was being ungrateful and dramatic. It’s been a huge challenge to explain to him the sickness of depression that I do not control, I do not ask for.
I must say I am very thankful for finding yoga because it has been an incredible treatment for my depression. If you are experiencing depression, I really would encourage you to try and implement aspects of yoga philosophy and physical practice into your life. Medication was never for me, yoga is my medication. (If medication is working for you, I encourage you to continue using it!)